Life is an endless loop.

I can’t tell you how many clients come to me saying, “This week was so busy because of the doctor’s appointment, the leak in the bathroom, the meeting with the realtor, and my mom was sick and my kid was sick. Next week will be better.” But then the next week, it’s another story, “The car broke down, the dog was sick, it was my turn to do the groceries and the cooking, my computer had to update, and I had a webinar to prepare.” It’s always something. There is no such thing as a stress free existence, not in this modern world.

When you finish one project, there is another project waiting. When you get settled in one place, there is another place to go. When you achieve one goal, there is another one around the corner. When you cross one thing off the list, there is another thing to add. When you get some free time, there are more things to do. There are always more hobbies to pursue, more projects to complete, and more ways to optimize your health.

There is no magical place at the end of rainbow. There is no liberation at the end of the yellow brick road. There is no fairyland where everything will one day be perfect, where one day you will have magical free time all day long because everything on the to-do list has finally been crossed off. It doesn’t exist. It will never exist.

There is a fantasy that exists in every writer’s mind that at some point you will achieve some magical existence where all you have to do is just write and therefore will get a ton of writing done.

It will never happen. Even if you get a cabin in the middle of the woods and isolate yourself for weeks on end to finally finish that book, that article, that project, there will always be things to do–clean, cook, go grocery shopping, go on a walk, meditate, say hi to the neighbors, call your mom, do the laundry, do those PT exercises that you are always meaning to do. And there is always YouTube and Instagram calling your name, always email to distract you, always a webinar you’re being invited to, a Zoom call you’re being asked to join. There are always other things to distract you and fill your time that are more desirable than writing.

There is no such thing as the magical place where all the sudden you are creative and productive just because you have free time. It will never happen. Get rid of that fantasy.

So what can you do? Whine and complain and cry that you are just SO busy and it’s not fair and nobody else is as busy as you and everyone should feel sorry for you and we should probably overtake capitalism but it’s their fault that you and your time and labor are being exploited?

Yes! I would love to start a revolution against capitalism. You can definitely do all of those things. And I highly encourage you to take a serious look at the division of labor among your family members. Make sure that the tasks, including the emotional labor of planning and scheduling, as well as other “caretaking” tasks like cooking, cleaning and hosting parties, are not being unfairly distributed, especially if you are AFAB or female-identifying.

That being said, once you are confident that the division of labor in your household is even and fair, then you have to start creating time for yourself.

I got this idea from Catherine Price in her book “The Power of Fun.” You have to think of each day like a bucket. You have big rocks, little rocks, and sand that represent the time you have each day. The big rocks represent the really important things that you must do each day for survival, health, and well-being. Little rocks are appointments and meetings that you have to show up for. The little chores and to-do tasks of daily life and household management are sand. If you fill up your bucket with sand first, then there might be room for the little rocks, but there won’t be room for any big rocks. But if you fill your bucket with the big rocks FIRST, then the sand will fit around it, in the cracks of your schedule.

That’s how you can think of time management when it comes to making time for your writing–or whatever playful or creative activity that you’ve always wanted to do. Yes, writing is a HUGE rock! Writing is important for your health and well-being! Make time for it! Block it out on your calendar. Make it the first item on your to-do list. Don’t do any of the “sand” tasks (e.g., laundry, text your Mom, fix the broken lightbulb) until the big rocks are taken care of. And yes, if you’re writing is for your academic career or for your next book or for you self-promotional blog, then yes it does deserve time in your schedule and yes it does count as something you must do for survival.

The next step is getting yourself in the environment and mindset to write. You might not have a cabin in the middle of the woods, but you can create an environment of isolation as best you can with the tools that you have available.

Look up if there is a public library nearby. Can you reserve a study room or find a quiet space there to hide away for a few hours a week? Can you book a room at a local co-working space? Can you find a cozy coffee shop in your neighborhood? Can you invest in a good pair of noise-cancelling headphones? Can you hide in your closet? Can you turn off your phone and shut down your email?

Now, the first time you do this, your brain is going to be very restless. It’s going to want to do everything except for write. I do encourage you to leave the house because your brain is going to want to do the laundry and clean the kitchen floors rather than write. Writing is an extremely low dopaminergic activity and for your brain it can be very boring. So boring that cleaning the bathroom might actually seem appealing. Try to channel that restless energy into getting those fingers moving on your keyboard.

If you can create a boring environment (NO Instagram!), then your brain will find writing to be relatively more interesting and then you will be able to sit down and write. Just like going out for a run, you have to warm-up first. Do some random creative writing prompts for 5 minutes to get you started. Do 5 minutes of stream of consciousness writing to get your juices flowing. Allow yourself up to 30 minutes just to get into the space and doodle, day dream, meditate, journal, listen to music before you even get started.

But then, allow yourself to write. Just get it down on paper. You can edit it later. You got this.

Remember, the first thing about life: there is never going to be a magical time and space for you to get your writing done. YOU have to create that time and space for it to happen. You got this!