When I started graduate school, I didn’t believe that I was intelligent.
Sure, I was a hard worker and productive. But I did not see myself as intellectually stimulating. “I could never be as interesting and thought-provoking as my professors,” I thought. This belief was a major roadblock. In fact, it still is. Not believing in myself is still a major hurdle for me to this day.
I did not need any outward change to my work habits. Instead, I needed to change my mindset. I had to force myself to write and think how a courageous and confident person would write and think.
I got some advice online and tried some DIY Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques.
When I went to my office to write, I repeated in my head over and over again: “You enjoy writing, and others enjoy reading your work. You are a good writer.” Even though I didn’t believe it at first, I forced myself to think that way. Eventually, I started to write with more confidence and eventually I got published. This was an ongoing process, not an overnight transformation.
Eventually, I started to internalize this mantra and gain the belief that I was indeed just as worthy as anyone else to be in graduate school.
I still struggle with imposter syndrome every single day. And to be honest, I maintain that there are kernels of truth to that feeling. The Universe is vast and there are so many unknowns. There are indeed so many people out there who are better writers than I am and better scientists than I am. My writing and my work has many flaws and sometimes I have bad ideas. That is all true.
AND. AND. AND.
I am also worthy of belonging in this vast network of writers and academics who can use various mediums to share their knowledge and creativity. SO ARE YOU.
We all deserve to share our story with the world. The world deserves to share in the knowledge that you have. Begin writing a new story. Eschew the old story of someone who is less than worthy. Embrace the story of someone–a creative contributor to this vast planet–who has something to offer.
How do you create a confident mindset? First, take a few minutes to focus on your breathing and clear your mind. Then, take 15-30 minutes each morning and try the four steps below.
- Relive your moments of success
When was the last time you thought you couldn’t do something, but you did it anyway? When was the last time you did the thing you said you were going to do? It could be anything related or unrelated to your current job or goal. Did you finish that load of laundry? Take your dog for a walk? Work on your garden? That moment of graduation? The job offer letter? Your name on a publication for the first time? Put yourself back in that moment when you celebrated a moment of success. How did you feel? Re-live that feeling of relief and accomplishment from crossing the finish line.
2. Repeat your expectations
Pick one or two phrases that target the core goal that you want to manifest in your life. (You can be as woo woo as you want, saying out loud what you want to happen helps transform you into a positive mindset that will help you stay focused on your vision for the future.) These phrases may or may not be true to you yet. But they are your expectations of what will become true someday in the future. They are what you want to bring into your life. I have a few examples for writing in particular:
- I will get published.
- People enjoy my writing.
- People appreciate my work.
- I enjoy writing.
Some examples for expectations from non-writing activities include:
- People enjoy my presence
- Friends respect me and my opinions
- People appreciate my bravery
- I’m not perfect and I will make mistakes and that is okay
3. Imagine your persona
When I did this, I felt like an actor getting into character. I wasn’t saying these things as affirmations, but I was figuratively “getting into the head” of someone with abundance in success. For writing projects, I forced myself to believe that people enjoyed reading my writing, even though in the beginning I knew that actually wasn’t the case. Slowly this understanding of my writing ability became more real for me and my writing began to improve. Then, people actually did start to enjoy my writing. Here are examples of persona phrases, but you can write your own that fits your situation:
- I am a good writer.
- I am enthusiastic and passionate.
- I am curious.
- I am outcome independent; I often write for fun and with no expectations.
4. Envision success
Close your eyes and imagine yourself celebrating your end goal, such as a publishing party, a job offer, an admissions letter, a graduation party, or people getting excited about your ideas.
I know it’s not easy. I still struggle every day with this stuff. I’m not saying it’s going to be an overnight success. Slowly but surely, you can cultivate a positive growth mindset. The science is there to back it up, but don’t take it from anyone else. Try it yourself. Let me know how it goes.
One final word. I’m not a big fan of “fake it till you make it.” To me, being true to myself and being authentic and genuine in my words and actions is a core value of mine. I’m not saying you should be fake. I’m saying that mindset change does require just that: a change in how you see yourself. You can write a new story of yourself that does not include berating or belittling yourself.
Is your mindset holding you back from bringing your gifts into the Universe? Then, just try it. Try telling yourself that you deserve to be a part of something great. Yes, be humble. Yes, be genuine. AND yes, you deserve to have your voice heard. Not everyone is going to be a famous author. That’s not what we’re shooting for here. We’re aiming for you to start blooming into the creative spirit that you were always meant to be. I’m not religious, but I am spiritual. I’m just going to leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” —-from A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson.
Dilmurat Mahmut
Sam Tynen